Sean Spicer quits White House after losing Breath Holding Contest

Sean Spicer Quits White House After Losing ‘Breath Holding’ Bet With Trump

Despite early news reports that Sean Spicer resigned as White House press secretary due to President Trump’s decision to hire liberal sympathizer Anthony Scaramucci as Spicer’s new boss and White House communications director, the real reason for his departure seems a whole lot simpler, and less political.

Word is starting to leak out that Spicer and Trump had agreed on a bet while in the oval office the morning of Spicer’s resignation, to see which of the two of them could go the longest without having to take a breath.

It remains unclear exactly how the two arrived at the terms of the bet, but one White House staffer claims Steve Bannon was having a relatively gassy morning, even by his standards, and that this is likely what propelled the two towards the topic of breath holding.

Another staffer says Trump supposedly made a comment bragging how he could go on for 10 minutes without needing a breath, to which Spicer responded that his military training had made him pretty good at the skill too.

This comment prompted Trump to lash out at Spicer, as one thing the president hates within his inner circle is others trying to show him up. It’s still unknown as to whom actually proposed the bet, and what would have been given to Spicer had he held his breath past Trump.

Right around the minute twenty-second mark in the competition, Trump’s face reportedly began growing a tomato red, while his body slowly began to shake. It is right around this time Spicer supposedly experienced a sudden and unforeseen cough, forcing him to immediately lose the contest.

One staffer claims that had Spicer won the tilt, Trump had agreed to gift him a brand new $2 million condo near Moscow. Another source argues that Trump was going to fire Spicer anyway, and that “if Spicer won the breath thing, he’d be allowed to respectfully resign instead.” After coming away impressed at the way Spicer had challenged him, Trump decided to let him resign rather than be fired, and has even let him work through all o fAugust as a consolation prize.

After Sean Spicer quits, Sarah Huckabee Sanders will move from her position as deputy press secretary to become the new press secretary / press punching bag. (That is, unless Trump reconsiders his old plan of hiring a muslim man who only speaks Arabic to be the White House’s official link to the media.)