NFLers might all be Africans. Kaepernick included.

‘They Might All Be Africans’, Trump Demands NFL Players Show Birth Certificates

Donald Trump may have a sixth sense when it comes to pointing out the Africans in a crowd…

Trump revealed today he’s been given early classified intel providing “strong evidence” that the NFL is secretly importing the vast majority of its players from Africa, adding that all “foreign looking players” should promptly be forced to hand over their birth certificates to the FBI.

Trump, who came into the political spotlight largely thanks to his attempts at proving Barack Obama was an African born muslim,  was unfortunately never able to prove his Obama theory. Obama and government authorities proudly published Obama’s ‘official’ birth certificate in response, but this just indicated that the “afrikaan replacement” conspiracy may run as deep as Washington.

Here is an excerpt that highlights some of Trump’s comments to the media earlier this morning.

“I played some football in high school myself. At my private school there were almost no black players on the football team, none! Yet I look around now and most of the NFL is black. How does that happen? If you look at Africa, it’s just a huge continent with countries everywhere and all sorts of things happening that we know nothing about. We see them magically find ways to do well in athletic olympic events like running, just crushing the US, yet they have some of the poorest and unhealthiest people on the planet. I’ve found that usually things like this are conspiracy rather than coincidence.

If you ask me whether I think Coliin Kaepernick is an American, I’d say ‘Hell no!’ The real question now is whether or not he’s Kenyan, or Ethiopian, and whether his whole gang of football buddies are secretly African too. Trust me, we’re going to find out.”

According to sources in the White House, the theory is the NFL has for decades been hiding a small village community in the United States where it brings African families over to stay, where their children train to become NFLers and superstars of the future.

The investigation is currently ongoing, and any player who doesn’t stand for future anthems will be subjected to further FBI investigation and scrutiny.

To all the normal Americans out there who are good at football but could never make the NFL; you might want to start training again. It seems quite possible that half the league will be deported by the end of the season.