Members of both the United States Congress and senate announced today they are seeking the public’s help to try and remember legislation they were planning to pass a month ago.
In a rare display of unity, nearly all congressmen and senators signed a bill today that will fund research that seeks to remember an important bipartisan bill that was just weeks ago being thoroughly discussed and planned by legislators and lobbyists alike, but that somehow has been mysteriously forgotten by all parties involved.
Early results from an independent research team have so far come to the conclusion that the bill likely had something to do with either freedom of speech or violence, and that it may have rhymed with something like “Rump Socks”.
“I just can’t for the life of me remember what we were talking about”, Republican Senator Susan Collins told reporters earlier today. “We’re all pretty sure it was something important, part of me thinks it even had to with saving lives. Those words do sound familiar though, ‘Rump Socks’. It was definitely something like that, maybe ‘chump locks’, or ‘stump talks’, that might make sense, right? It’s so frustrating because I know for once we had bipartisan agreement on this thing.”
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan also added his thoughts on the case of collective amnesia. “Frankly, this is terrifying, because I remember I was almost certainly involved in this supposed bill as well. I was even speaking with Wayne LaPierre today, the head of the NRA, and he was saying he thinks he was involved in someway too, but he reassured me if it was a big deal, we probably wouldn’t have all forgotten about it.”
Some have suggested this might be the result of a sophisticated attack on the homeland by a foreign government. Others say it’s just a sign of the current government’s incompetence.
Either way, it won’t make much difference. The executive order that Donald Trump signed on October 3rd after the Las Vegas massacre, where Stephen Paddock murdered 58 Americans with bump stock modified rifles, states that no new laws can be passed within 8 months of a tragedy.
If you by chance remember having heard mention of an important life saving bill from roughly a month ago, please contact your local congressman and let them know.