After receiving his sentence earlier today and learning that he’d be forced to serve three years in prison for his crimes, a visibly shaken Michael Cohen had just one teary-eyed request for the judge who sentenced him.
“Pwease your honor, can I bwing my Trumpy Bear?”
Cohen, who long-served as Trump’s lawyer and self-described ‘fixer’, has reportedly been sleeping with the cuddly-yet-Mexican-hating teddy bear ever since special prosecutor Robert Mueller began investigating him for helping presidential candidate Trump evade campaign finance laws.
Cohen, whose dream job growing up was to work for the New York City billionaire, has been subjected to a wave of insults and negative tweets from President Trump ever since he agreed to cooperate with Mueller’s investigation, with the President denouncing him as “weak” and advising Americans to never retain him for legal services.
Having once said he would take a bullet for Trump, Cohen changed his tune in recent months after becoming Trump’s personal Twitter-toilet-bowl.
The judge said that he’d consider the request given Cohen’s emotional attachment to the teddy bear, but wouldn’t promise anything and reminded Cohen he is a big boy, and isn’t entitled to any preferential treatment.
I say we give the guy a break. After all, he’s had to deal with Trump’s shenanigans longer than anyone.